Care counts.
Chocolate printed hands along the wall, glossy brown stains all over the sofa, the floor and the carpet. A video my friend Ve sent me, containing two kids, hands in the nutella glas smearing it literally everywhere. How can I save the future when my present is being actively attacked? she asked in our conversation about the radical hope club.
This is a good question. We both want to clean up this polycrisis of a mess. We both feel stretched. It frustrates me too, that seemingly little is changeable. That time is stretched as it is, that purpose seems to be so high up on the shelf that it sometimes feels easier to stay sitting on the sofa. We’ve been taught to change things individually, plastic straw saving here, recycled grocery bags there and the years of us putting in the effort are not showing up on the larger scale of things. Thats out of reach.
I used to think of change as this massive step that needs to be taken quickly. Secretly I still really wish it were so. I want this newsletter to grow NOW, to find the 69% still hoping NOW, to leap into everything I am planing to do NOW, to find funding NOW, to throw a radical hope party NOW for all the thousands that will be joining TOMORROW.
Frustratingly, things need time, timing, and mindsets to move first.
Caring is already a form of action, even when it feels insufficient.
I grew up believing that care was something you did, like breathing. I was cared for well, I cared for others well and that was that. Taking care of each other was not worth the mention. Achievments lay somewhere else. Money was earned somewhere else. Power was held somewhere else. Care was essential, but essentially not valued.
Doing all the growing, loving and caring with my own two kids taught me that my assumptions had been fundamentally wrong. Getting up all night for years, because someone else depended on me doing so. Learning patience when I thought I had none left, because ever more was needed. Resolving conflicts, without loosing the big picture, because I was the only one showing up. Loosing myself all-the-time and finding myself again and again. That took willpower. That took stamina. I am a stonger person, because of all the caring. And it is worth the frigging mention.
Because if we flip it, what is care if not power? What would change if those in charge would care? Not pinterest style „let’s save the world“ poster vibes care, but care the way I do with my kids: getting up all night, solving the problems, because you’re the one in charge.
Would the things they do to us work if they cared about us? Probably not. You don't kill someone else's child after giving birth to one yourself. If only caregivers were sent to war, my bet is they'd be eating quiche with the enemy by day two. Humans didn't separate care from power by accident. They separated it because power works better without it.
Ve is a fantastic human being. If everyone were like her, the world would be zero problemo. Her question manifests what many of us, who care deeply for this world like she does, feel. Guilt. Paradoxically those who care the most, feel the worst about not caring enough.
The School of Moral Ambition calls on bankers and those working in marketing to quit their jobs and commit their talents to solving the worlds biggest problems. During a call with two of the founders, on the Reith lectures, a question was asked in the Q&A segment by a guy who said: Those of us who are working as nurses, teachers, caregivers, … should we also quit our jobs to change things? Rutger Bregman's answer was no, these were already acts of giving, valuable in themselves.
I realized that the shelf is too high on purpose. That's why I feel small. That's why caring feels insufficient. So I've stopped trying to reach for it. My purpose isn't the unreachable shelf anymore, it's caring for those in my life and on this planet NOW. It's thinking out loud and holding the space where the answers can land when I find them. Not waiting to start until I have them. The big plush sofa is inviting us to give up before we even start trying. What we are trying to reach is not real.
But being present is. And change starts smaller than we think.
Last week Cordelia-Röders-Arnold did something extraordinary. Watching the Olympics and hearing a male commentator describe Anastasia Gubanova as 'wifey material' rather than acknowledging her sporting excellence prompted her to log on to Instagram and create an elaborate yet concise carousel post about the patriarchal nature of this commentary. She went viral. German News hubs picked it up. The commentator apologized. Hundreds of Thousands agreed.
Mixing intuition, talent and courage, Cordelia named what she felt was wrong. She did this so clearly, that it was hard not to agree. What she changed? Perception. In an evening. An Apology. Discussions held in newsrooms. People will now pick up on what she has said, because of her. But what would have happened without the agreement?
This would have just been an insta post.
Because of the 230.000s, this was a collective shift. This worked because it was done together. You are enough. Let go of the guilt.
Stay curious. Stay courageous.
Written by a human. Unpolished. On purpose.
